Oh Koh Lanta, Get Off My Jungle Gym

• **Some of the content in this blog entry may not be suitable for immature people, graduates of the University of Missouri Rolla or New Mexican institution of higher learning, and small children***

One half of our traveling crew had been absent for 15 days, whose really counting though, but now we are a complete travelling squad of 2. We are currently in Koh Phi Phi Don, Thailand, home to clear water, site of the movie The Beach, and a major spot hit by the Christmas Day Tsunami in 2004. We are heading back to the mainland to see if we can actually manage to leave southern Thailand and head north. Doubtful.

So good when smuggled Dr. Pepper hits your lips

October 25th : I was pacing around the Krabi International Airport glancing out the window hoping that the Air Asia flight from Bangkok would arrive early. When it did land on time, stupid plane, I sat at a window staring hard for that familiar face of my wife, Nadine. Where the heck is she? Finally, I spotted a long sleeve shirt and orange pants that I instantly recognized. Long sleeves??? Doesn't she know it's hot here? She then passed through the doors to the baggage claim. We were now only separated by a glass partition and a single security guard, but we still couldn't get to each other. We were like 6 year olds at Christmas with the real Santa Claus just inches away from you, but you can't run to him yet. After 10 minutes of waiting, we were in each others arms. The axiom absence makes the heart grow fonder was so true. We just sat in the air conditioned airport and talked about everything long after everyone had already left. She gave me a Dr. Pepper she had smuggled through customs in Japan. A smuggled Dr. Pepper. How sweet it is! She also gave me an extra pair of underwear from home. 2 pairs wasn't doing the trick. I am now up to 3 pairs and at that time I didn't have a pair close to me as the others were at the cleaners. We spent the rest of the day talking like it had been years since we last saw each other. Ok, enough of that sappy stuff, let's get to the funny stuff.

Our time in Krabi was short and uneventful other than Nadine buying a bright blue contact lenses case with palm trees on the front and getting passport photos for future visas in the next couple of months. Once she had recovered from jet lag and fatigue after 48 hours of air travel, we were on a mini-van headed to Koh Lanta. This island has a familiar sound to Mylanta, thus the familiar jingle in the title.

Welcome to Koh Lanta y'all

While in Koh Lanta, we decided to walk the massive expanse of beach. Along the way, we took in the beautiful outlying islands, quaint little bungalows, and all of the Thai massage parlors sitting pretty on the beach. What a great idea! How about a little massage before dinner. That is when things turned to a bone strectching series of hilarious events.

Nadine's Godmother Laura had strongly encouraged her to get a massage while in Thailand, so we followed her advice. We bounced up to the first massage parlor excited for what lie ahead during the next hour. As we lay there, both of our Thai masseuses began squeezing our calves and steadily making their way up our legs to our crotches where they forcefully placed all of their weight and just pushed. There's a point when you think to yourself, this might be cultural, but this is pretty darn funny and awkward as my wife is lying next to me having the same thing done to her. From there, my masseuse put my legs into a position similiar to the figure 4 from WWF wrestling and began gouging the space between my shins and the meat in my calves with her elbows. This caused a sensation of tension rather than relaxation. Maybe that is just me though.

After adequately working over my lower legs, it was time to massage the rest of my body. Again, to insure total relaxation, she began walking up and down the back of my legs in a marching fashion. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. I can only imagine what she was thinking, "he's a pretty tall guy, let me see what I can get away with here. Hmmm, how about walking on his legs. No squirming, good. This will be fun." After that, she pulled my legs up like a pretzel around her torso and then began walking with her knees up my spine. Relaxation! And I never knew I was that flexible.

To thoroughly complete the one hour massage, she turned me over and stuck her fingers in my ears. It was like a wet willy minus all that saliva. And finally, she karate chopped my head like it was a coconut. By the time it was over, there was an awesome bright orange sunset looking on and somehow I did feel relaxed. As we walked back down the beach for dinner, we sat and laughed at the way we felt like we had just had Mike Tyson beat us up. My masseuse had a great time crawling all over her own personal American jungle gym.

You never know when you will need your balance to avoid a volleyball net

For all of our transportation needs we were going to do around the island of Koh Lanta, we rented a brand spanking new Honda scooter. It came complete with helmet, 2 non-bald tires, and a little bell when I pass any bicycles. We spent the entire day taking in all of the sights on our scooter. That night, rather than actually walking down the beach, we decided to find one of the restaurants on the main roads. As a result of the major rain that afternoon, we couldn't take the dirt, now turned muddy-and-full-of-large-puddles, road through town. We would have to scoot down the beach and find a way to the main road. And just as smoothly and quickly we rode down the beach, we were greeted with a volleyball net directly in front of us! I slammed on the breaks and we slid into it. Mind you, this all transpired in front of a busy restaurant and was not originally part of their dinner entertainment, but they got it and it was free. At that point, we decided, maybe it would be better just to eat back at the hotel. There, we wouldn't gnaw on plastic string or have the checker imprint of a net on our faces all night.

Waiting for the onset of morning tourists

Our final full day on Koh Lanta, we went with something safe and away from the dangers of the island, we went snorkeling. Our snorkel involved traveling the Andaman Sea to four islands thus named the "4 Island Tour." Clever. We snorkeled among thousands of fish and starfish. Starfish aren't that active though, they just lay there. Well, that is until you turn them upside down and they slowly turn themselves back over. Until the cycle starts again. But it wasn't me starting that cycle though. Someone else.

View from lunch on Koh Kradan

Emerald Cave Beach

The highlight of the tour was at Emerald Cave. Anyone want to buy some emeralds? Actually, it's a cave that you swim through in complete darkness until you come out the other end and are greeted with a small, white sand beach completely surrounded by towering limestone walls. Very unique and worth the trip.

The beach from The Beach

After a great time on Koh Lanta, we jumped on a ferry to Koh Phi Phi Don. This is a great name in that you pronouce Koh Phi Phi as Co Pee Pee. Insert your joke here. Koh Phi Phi is actually the site of two famous events. The first was that the movie The Beach which was filmed on Koh Phi Phi Lei on a, you guessed it, big, beautiful beach. The place is as stunning as the movie portrays it. The second event was the Christmas Day Tsunami that ripped through here leaving hundreds dead, thousands displaced, and millions of dollars in damage.

Just happy to be back in paradise

The islands of Koh Phi Phi are regarded as one of the biggest magnets of tourists in all of Thailand. We were a little hesitant to visit this area with its constant deluge of tourists year round. Upon arrival, the number of tourists were far more than we even expected. We suspected that there were more farang than locals during their high season. We soon found out why so many people come here. The inhabited island of Koh Phi Phi Don is beautiful with great views up at the lookout point of View Point and the incredible snorkeling they still have even after the tsunami. The uninhabited island of Koh Phi Phi Lei (site of The Beach) is still more beautiful and possesses better snorkeling sites and photo ops.

Which is the real View Point No. 2?

Now, life is still good and our prayers continually go towards all family and friends back home and all people that we meet along the way. We are soon hoping to move north in this great country of Thailand. Fingers crossed.

***New Video*** Video around Koh Phi Phi

Last week's question of the week was correctly answered by Hermano Domingo, the longest current reign in His Majesty King Bhumibol Adulyadaj of Thailand.

This week's question is not as easy, like those New Mexicans who can just look it up on wikipedia. A little imagination here.

If you were going to name our trip after a famous movie, which movie would it be and why? Or would you give it its own separate title?

JW